(inspired by a couple of weeks of dealing with fall orders, or trying to deal with fall orders, and because I do not yet have time to talk about the LIAR cover issue, except to say that I am angry enough about it that I’m not buying the book for the shop and am ordering extra HOW TO DITCH YOUR FAIRY to try to make up for that because it’s not JL’s fault but I just can’t)
Warning: I got crankier as I went along.
In no particular order:
–pirates
–any book ending in “ology”
–any book imitating one ending in “ology”
–bad books that make noise, thus making them worse
–vampires
–werewolves (exception: SHIVER)
–zombies (exceptions: Carrie Ryan and Stacey Jay – but could we otherwise please stop trying to make zombies happen)
–girls with dead mothers
–girls who are dead themselves
–girls who are in love with dead people
–Magic Tree House
–new books about characters whose creators are dead (new Winnie the Pooh, I’m looking at you)
–books that say “based on characters created by”
–unnecessary sex scenes that keep me from being able to sell a book to a tween
–books about teachers having affairs with students
–books about the city of New York (HONESTLY. I love New York but NO ONE LOVES IT THAT MUCH.)
–publishers making it impossible for you to find their backlist
–publishers making it impossible for you to read a picture book ahead of time (.pdfs, people. it’s not hard. I’d read a .pdf galley, too – anything to avoid having to take a chance in this economy.)
–marketing people who never actually talk to booksellers deciding what covers should look like
–bad rhyming picture books
–picture books that take place in New York City
–picture books that take place in New York City that feature no minority characters
–YA novels getting more and more expensive (know why we’re not selling ALONG FOR THE RIDE? because it’s $19.99 and we can’t afford to discount it 30 or 40 percent.)
–people talking about everyone having an e-reader as being “inevitable” (huh. everyone having a computer was supposed to be inevitable, too.)
–governments viewing libraries as expendable
–parents complaining about their boys reading nothing but fantasy (or nothing but sports)
–the answer to the question “what has she/he been reading lately?” being Harry Potter whether the kid is seven or seventeen (despite popular belief, that doesn’t actually tell me a lot about the reading level or interests of most kids)
–bad movies of books I love (I am SO HAPPY that the option on A GREAT AND TERRIBLE BEAUTY lapsed – LB got some money and I don’t have to fear the movie)
–publishers spending a fortune promoting authors who don’t need promotion (James Patterson) and nothing promoting others, so good books get swept under the rug every single day
–picture books about the Obama dog
–people sounding the death knell for books. books are not going anywhere.
Be cranky in the comments with me, okay?
July 24th, 2009 - 1:34 am
I’m tired of hearing that the only thing teens want to read right now is dark and edgy paranormal romance. (I love a good dark and edgy paranormal romance too, but I also like fun happy books and epic adventures and nice quiet charming books).
I’m also tired of covers making or breaking books, but I should probably get used to that since I suspect it is here to stay.
And yes to many of the other things on your list!
July 24th, 2009 - 4:40 am
Ooh, a rant! I’m tired of having conversations of any length and any sort about Twilight with any adult/parent at any time. I don’t want to talk about it any more. I’m done. Give it to your six-year-old. Watch me not care.
I’m tired of filler picture books–the ones they use to pack a season’s list. I didn’t use to mind when it was a few, but now when 80-90% of the books are ones I can live without, this is troubling.
I’m tired of really, really ugly covers for historical fiction. It may not be my favorite genre, but seriously, putting lame pictures of modern kids in historical dress and adding a sepia tone to it IS NOT SELLING BOOKS. For real.
In response to the death knell for books, remember CD-ROMs? They were going to ‘revolutionize’ the book too! Whatev.
I’m tired of having to read the upcoming ‘it’ books for next season. I’m glad to know they’re spending $$$ on certain books, but I need to find that obscure, unappreciated book that publishers don’t seem to know is on their list that they’ve spend nothing on and freak out over it.
I’m tired of people asking me if I’ve read “insert popular adult title here.” How many ways from Sunday can I explain I don’t read grown-up fiction anymore?
And hats off to your peeves, because we pretty much share a brain on just about everything there.
July 24th, 2009 - 5:50 am
Oooh, a rant! *grabs chair and gets comfy*. I’m doing my fall order lists for the library.
Hugely popular graphic novels for elementary age kids that fall apart when you look at them (especially Star Wars)
Parents who won’t let their kids read above or below their “reading level”
Spin-offs or any book similar in any way to Clique or Gossip Girl (I know you like them, teen girl patrons, but I can’t divide my entire budget between mean girl pink books and Star Wars. Really)
Touchy-Feely picturebooks with no plot.
Definitely no more New York books.
And…no more fake-noir, fake-hard-boiled-mystery picturebooks, easy readers, series, or beginning chapter books. The kids have no idea what you’re satirizing and I don’t care.
Fewer pink books. If you make more non-gender specific covers, there will be a wider audience for your book. And lots of girls won’t read pink covers, it’s not just boys.
Oh, and I probably feel like this b/c I’m currently weeding YA but…no photographs? Please? Ten years from now they are going to be soooo dated. As dated as side-ponytails and smocked sundresses.
Oh, and what about a cheerful novel in verse? Is there a rule that they all have to be about teens with horrible lives?
And lastly, personally, why haven’t they translated Alexander Steffensmeier’s newest Millie book into English yet? Why, why, why??
July 24th, 2009 - 9:25 am
I’m sick of vampire books… but I keep picking them up and reading them because I’m sick like that… and most of them are BAD! BAD! BAD! And I know this. And I still read them. I’m especially ashamed of The Bluebloods series which is like Gossip Girl meets Vampires. But I can’t wait for the next one that comes out in October, or so. (Is there some kind of 12 step program for this addiction?)
Along the same lines… bookstores are only promoting dark, emo, [insert good and sexy monster of choice here] books… it is hard to weed through them to find nice books. I’d like to read nice books… but the dark and emo ones are in the way.
July 24th, 2009 - 9:52 am
I would be cranky with with here in the comments, Melissa, but your rant made me too happy!
Plus, the baby just woke up.
July 24th, 2009 - 9:56 am
Ooh, let’s see – I am tired of it, over it, and ready for ANYTHING else
- memoirs about anyone that’s ever been to rehab
- memoirs about anyone that’s ever planted a garden
- books set in New York, books about New York. You know how no one in Manhattan cares about anything east of the Hudson? Yeah, well that’s what we think about New York. And you can keep Brooklyn, too.
- novels based on real people. I’m looking at you, Dickens.
- Stop with the zombies. No one is into it, we promise.
- Bad mommy/urban mommy. We get it, you are way cooler than soccer moms, we promise. Now put your drink down and toddle off to the playground. You wanted to breed, now deal with it.
July 24th, 2009 - 11:19 am
I couldn’t resist commenting on this post – I totally sympathize and have to add a minor variation:
I’m totally sick of the parental units who bring me a book/ask for a book and then ask me if said book is “appropriate” for their obviously-12-year-old-daughter-who-is-”brilliant”-and-reads-oh-so-far-above-her-grade-level-but-is-now-absolutely-mortified (dude, the kid has probably already read “Gossip Girl” so let her read “Forever” – “Forever” is the better book). What really fries my bacon is that my standard course of action – giving a quick precis and suggesting that the parent really needs to read it for him/herself to make an informed decision – is generally disliked because god forbid the parent actually bother to be informed. If you’re not willing to read it yourself, then you have no business asking me for my opinion because I’m not raising your kids.
Said parental units are also horrified when I tell them I was allowed to read anything I wished (I usually leave out that anything purchased had to be parent-approved, since I never had any of my own money until high school, but I was allowed to read anything in the house and check out whatever I could get away with from the library).
July 24th, 2009 - 8:04 pm
Ooh, me too…
–Hearing “I don’t want him to read scifi or fantasy. I want him to read good books.”
–Hearing “But the main character’s a girl. He won’t read that.”
–Fairy books, but even more… faerie books (because the “e” is what makes them cool.)
–Bad picture books by popular adult book authors or talk show hosts.
–Parents saying they won’t allow 15 year old to read Hunger Games because of violence or Book Thief because won’t it be depressing because of the holocaust or Forever because of sex or Part Time Indian because they heard there was masturbation. Your kid is 15. FIFTEEN! Do you remember being 15?
–Books about butts. Books about farts.
–Christmas books that arrive in July.
–Kids who tell me that a book is already out or has already been scheduled, when TRUST ME it is not in existence yet and I know it’s been a whole 6 months since the last one in the series came out, but you’re just gonna have to suck it up for a while longer. And no, the book that came out in hardcover last week is not out in paperback yet and I don’t care what you saw at the airport in Germany.
–Picture books that assume that if it features a hispanic-looking character or story, it must have spanish text also. See guys? There’s also this really big country full of people with caramel colored skin with a very rich heritage and lots of people who move to the US and they speak PORTUGUESE there!
OK, I’ll stop there. Phew. I feel better now.
July 26th, 2009 - 7:57 pm
I Wanna Play,
of early reader fairy books (a la Rainbow fairies) Enough with the fiaries, horses and everything pink.
Of trying to convince customers Green’s Paper Town is a great book for boys. Yes there is a girl on the cover and no I am not trying to trick you. Can’t wait for the QP
QP books with cover that won’t stay closed. A la, Wednesday Wars. That cover won’t stay flat for anything.
Of books that are a few inches too big for the shelf. Sorry Mr. Publisher I am not falling for that, the books to big now you must display it trick. To the top shelf you go.
People buying L.A Candy
White customers asking me if I’ve read The Help. I don’t care how many times I hear The Help is like the Secret Life Of Bees. I am not reading a book about a White woman who goes a back home to Mississippi, to tell the story of the help, (the blacks folk) Some think it helps their case to tell me our authentic and hard working the black people are. It doesn’t.
July 27th, 2009 - 3:13 pm
not that i disagree with much of this but… computers weren’t inevitable?
July 27th, 2009 - 7:10 pm
I meant that everyone having a computer was supposed to be inevitable, but there are tons of people who still don’t have one.
July 30th, 2009 - 12:22 pm
Ooo a rant, just what I need!
I am so sick of my promotional table having most of it’s titles being of the “undead”/vampire variety. I mean seriously my table is a big one and over half of it is full of vampire muck.
What happened to a good old love story or just something happy?! I’m reading a set of proof’s at the moment for a book prize and so far all of them include dead parents, social services and some more dead parents.
The 500,000 customers coming in asking for the Meyer books. You know the ones written by “Steven Myer” about werewolves?!
5-8 fiction being all airy fairy. What happened to the likes of Flat Stanley?
The 8 year old reading The Host. I mean what is with that?!
There not being a single nicely illustrated copy of Snow White and Rose Red in the whole of the United Kingdom’s publishing industry?! Why are all the fairytales dying out?
People looking at me like I can’t possibly recommend them a book for their 5 year old. Sorry but I’ve been working here much longer than your precious-pudding-pie has been alive.